If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
