I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
