He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
