I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
