Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
