someone get that fucking seahorse.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
