Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
