I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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