what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize