when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
