how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
