my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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