Duck Duck Cougar?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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