I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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