You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
