sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
