Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
