Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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