i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
