so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
