Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
