dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
