Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
