everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
