It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
