Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
