when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
