We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize