At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
