god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
