Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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