Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
