so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
