i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
