you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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