Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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