I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
