I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
