if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
