there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
