Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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