why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
