you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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