I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
third nipple confirmed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
