buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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