Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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