I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
