2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
