Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
