I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
