Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
