nut hugger
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
