Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
