Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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