im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize