I can tuck mytits in my pants
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
