Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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