I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
