is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
