Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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