I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
